A break-up always kicks you in the 'nads. It always makes you think that you’re the victim. However, you can move from a space of thinking that this is NOT a part of a master plan; these things happen, because there are different kinds of people in the world. The main issue here is that of dependency which has been established over a period of time.
Most people’s instinct to deal with a break-up is to go out, party, socialise and try to find the next person to fill that void. Recipe for disaster!
Here’s a how I look at it - You perceive yourself as an incomplete circle, needing another half to complete it. But, much better way to see it is to perceive yourself as one whole circle and the other person as another circle, whom you can link with. At the end of the day, it’s about how we can deal with our ‘aloneness’. We’re born alone and we die alone. You have to understand that you are the best company you give yourself. To simply latch on to someone does not allow you to grow spiritually.
Post a break-up, it turns out you do not have someone you need to please anymore. Most problems that people face with breakups is that they cannot relate to the other person over a period of time. Somewhere in relationships, people tend to lose themselves. Don’t say “What about me?” at the end, but say it right at the start. The focus at the beginning of any relationship should not be just to please the other person, but also to please yourself.
It’s okay to analyse and think about what went wrong, about what your role in the problem was, etc. In such a state, it’s important to spend time with friends and family, but it’s more important to spend time with yourself. Don’t overburden yourself by overthinking though. When you can forgive and let go because you realise that it all happened for a reason is when you’ll grow. Diving into a rebound, on the other hand, is a way of blotting it out, a way of dealing with your ‘existential anxiety’, as we call it in psychology. The fear of being alone, a lack of confidence etc. come into play. You must realise that these variables were already in play even before that person came into your life. He/she was just the trigger to remind you, similar to a teacher telling you to learn a particular subject.
Want to feel better? Try exercise - physical workouts make you feel energized and keep your endorphin levels high, as does eating the right food - fresh healthy food will make you feel much better than that tub of ice-cream. Rely on your friends, family, career etc. to work through your resentment and other negative emotions. Use it as a chance to self-medicate. This way, when you find someone else, you will know it’s not simply a rebound. It is important to experience an emotional transformation. Find friends in whose silence you can hide, rather than those who think ranting endlessly about your ex is the way to go. After any break-up, everyone needs to take a break to help themselves get over the other person, instead of using it as an opportunity to find someone else. It is vital for wounds to heal before you decide to go down that road with someone else. Be honest with yourself about your feelings before you embark on to another journey, else it will haunt you later. First and foremost, focus on loving yourself, the rest will follow.
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